That’s right, ‘tis the season, folks, and here at Empirical Spirits, we’re looking to spread some holiday cheer any way we can.
We considered covering our webshop in Santa gifs and posting some kind of advent calendar/countdown thing on Instagram, but after a brief moment of reflection we remembered that stuff isn’t really our deal. We’re a utilitarian bunch over here, and we’d rather get festive by helping you good people out somehow.
Gift-giving ain’t easy and the countdown clock is ticking. We’ve all found ourselves sweating in a mall two days before Christmas, staring at a list of names on our phone notes with no idea where to start. This year, we’re not going to let that happen to you, by giving you the greatest gift of all: a gift guide for our products.
Order from us before 17th December and we’ll be sure to have it to you before Christmas day. Without further ado:
Helena, to introduce a friend to us
Helena is our OG product - the mother spirit from which all our other spirits are derived. Back in 2017 we combined Eastern and Western fermentation techniques to create this double fermented, clear spirit out of barley koji, pilsner malt, and Belgian Saison yeast. If you’d like to introduce a friend to Empirical Spirits, Helena is the place to start.
Helena 50cl, €55.
Ayuuk, for a storyteller
On a trip to Oaxaca City, Mexico, we were very into the depth of flavor of one particular chili: Pasilla Mixe, a chili grown at 2,700 meters above sea level by the Mixe people.We cleared out all 20 kilograms of stock, brought it back to Copenhagen and distilled this stuff out of it. There’s more to the story though, and it’s a fun story to tell. Get it for a raconteur you know.
Ayuuk 50 cl, €65
Fallen Pony, for the young at heart
Fallen Pony is a double-fermented quince tea spirit made from a base of quince, barley koji, Belgian Saison yeast, and pilsner malt wash. The spent material is fermented into a quince tea kombucha, vacuum distilled and then used to rectify the final product to preserve the sweet botanical notes, highlight hints of marzipan, and provide balanced acidity. All of this is a fancy way of saying Fallen Pony tastes like childhood, somehow.
Fallen Pony 10cl, €13
Fuck Trump And His Stupid Fucking Wall, a statement in gift form
A crystal clear statement of intent in a bottle, Fuck Trump and His Stupid Fucking Wall is the tastiest political statement ever created. It is a refreshingly smooth, warm, vegetal tasting habanero spirit made from a base of pearled barley, Belgian saison yeast, and koji. The clear product is rectified with a habanero vinegar that gives it a 27% ABV that imparts an intensely fruity habanero profile without any of the heat—capsaicin, which causes the unbearable sensation of spice, is removed during the distillation process.
Fuck Trump and His Stupid Fucking Wall 50cl, €60
The Plum, I Suppose, for any literary types in your life
The gist of Robert Frost’s poem “The Rose Family” is that while the rose is widely regarded as a thing of beauty, it is related to the less beautiful peach, apple and “plum, I suppose.” This spirit is based on the dried inner plum kernel, which has a similar scent and flavor to almonds. The plum kernel has marzipan high notes, and a nuanced sweetness. The Plum, I Suppose captures the flavor of plum from the fruit and almond from the seed. Get this for a reader who is also a drinker - there’s plenty of those.
The Plum, I Suppose 50cl, €63
Taster sets, another great intro to Empirical Spirits
We get it - we’ve got a lot going on over here. Our products run a bizarrely large gamut of flavors, and it’s hard to make a call on what someone’s going to like. However, we’ve come up with a solution to that particular agony of choice - taster sets, handy little 100ml bottles that arrive beautifully packaged in sets of three. Flavors Set #1 features our old friends Helena, Fallen Pony and Charlene McGee, while Flavors Set #2 features new kids on the block, Fuck Trump, Ayuuk and The Plum, I Suppose. Why not get both?
Can’t make the call on what Empirical Spirits product suits your giftee? Throw your hands in the air and get them an e-gift card. Sure, it’s a cop out in a way, but the true gift you’re giving them here is the chance to find out about Empirical themselves - a real privilege. Online gift cards are delivered by email shortly after your order is placed and contain instructions on how to to redeem them at checkout.
E-Gift card from €25